It’s been more than a week since my heart broke — not just a simple crack, but a shattering. And each piece still aches with every reminder, every silence, every memory. I loved deeply, truly, and fully. That in itself is both a blessing and a curse. To give everything and be left with nothing feels like the cruelest kind of empty.
I keep asking myself: Do I deserve this pain? Did I do something wrong, in this life or another? Why does it feel like the universe is punishing me for loving someone with my whole heart?
There are so many “whys” flooding my mind. Questions I may never get the answers to. And though I try — I try to smile, to be okay, to live as though I’m not hurting — it’s almost impossible. Even the little blessings I know I have feel small beneath the weight of this pain. I want to be happy, to be grateful, to move forward… but it’s hard to see the sun when you’re standing in the middle of the storm.
Flashbacks hit me when I least expect them. I remember the way your mom said, “I hope this is the last time,” when we met. I wonder if that was a sign. I wonder who I’ll become in the stories you’ll tell about your past. Will I be a lesson? A mistake? A forgotten chapter?
I want to be the bigger person — to be kind, forgiving, and at peace. But I’m struggling. I’m angry. I hate that I feel some hate. I hate that I don’t always wish you well. That’s not the Gladys I want to be. That’s not the version of me I’m proud of. I want to keep my heart soft. I want to be understanding. I want to forgive — not just you, but myself too.
Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But someday… maybe I’ll find peace in the idea that I am going through all of this because I once was loved. And because I once dared to love with all I had. And that, no matter how much it hurts now, means something.
For now, I will just keep writing. Keep breathing. Keep healing — slowly, softly, in my own time.
“Maybe next time I’ll be enough
You’ll give me everythin’ instead of givin’ up
Maybe next time won’t be a waste
You’ll be the one and not the onе that got away
So, I count down the days ’til I won’t have to say
Maybe nеxt time” – Jamie Miller
God is good. Don’t lose hope. Everything will be fine. Just take a rest and move on. You have a precious life so don’t waste it. You still have family, friends and someone out there who still loves you.
You are a kind, beautiful and intelligent woman. I hope one day you will find the man for you. Have a good day Bash. Sana buksan mo ulit ang puso mo.